dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
