i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I could make wine with my vomit
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
