Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
