Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
