Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
