Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
