I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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