The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
