just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want her autograph on my taint
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
