dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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