He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
