Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
