I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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