...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
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This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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