All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
