i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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