shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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