Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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