you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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