You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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