During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
