Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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