i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
