you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
