there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
