Operation Purity has been aborted
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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