the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
