even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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