i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
