I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
