There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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