I wish I could punch you in the face.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
