I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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