Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
