What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
