I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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