So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
