Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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