those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
