I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
