i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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