community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
