Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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