you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
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This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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