I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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