If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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