his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
