im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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