I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
