I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
