I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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