Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
