mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
