There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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