What a fucking waste of an outfit
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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