He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you never un-have a 4some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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