YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
is that a dick in a sweater?
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