Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
