Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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