i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
