also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
