his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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