You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
this hospital has no fireball
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
