I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
